I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I love you.
Bad choice
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