She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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