you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
