Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Randomize