i wish peter jackson would direct porn
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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