ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you traded sex for a burrito?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
