tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
