Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
