Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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