I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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