Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
