Apparently you make a good broom.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
