I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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