My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Success! We fucked roommates!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
