Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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