oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
