its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize