I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
