I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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