So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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