I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
