$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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