Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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