Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
