I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
