i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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