i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
