His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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