I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
