the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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