she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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