That's intense
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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