He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
