Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
