Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
