so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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