I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
