I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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