how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
