i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
