I can tuck mytits in my pants
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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