he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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