i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
