we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My feet surprised me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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