dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
