I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he thought i was a dude.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
