too bad you live with your parents still
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
