....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I think i got beer on your cat.
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