I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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