i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
