I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
