i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize