Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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