if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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