Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
