I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
