It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
