Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
