Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
