there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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