sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
