why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
