pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
