if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
