It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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