Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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