I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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