My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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