you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
