pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
